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The Job Security Quiz

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The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you.

The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you...

A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.

B. Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.

C. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.

There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?

A. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you.

B. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.

C. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won't have to work under someone who should have retired before he became a laughingstock."

When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office except you, what do you do?

A. Stay home and watch 'I Love Lucy' reruns.

B. Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.

C. Go over to your bosses house after everyone has left and throw rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.

Your boss criticizes your work unjustly; what do you do?

A. Listen politely, and then apologize.

B. Blame someone else.

C. Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on which you've written the word "union."

When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you...

A. Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the windshield wiper.

B. Key it ... then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss near it, loitering suspiciously.

C. Key it ... then proudly tell the CEO's secretary that you did it.

Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kid's fifth birthday party, what do you do?

A. Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.

B. Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-worker into doing it while pretending to be you.

C. Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children that Kooky is dead.

The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean; you...

A. Clean the office while he supervises.

B. Tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you supposedly gave the job to.

C. Clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss' face.

Scoring this test

Mostly A's: You have nothing to worry about. They'll never fire you because you're a doormat.

Mostly B's: You're not just going to keep your job, with your complete disregard for other peoples feelings, you'll positively shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! You're a real jerk.

Mostly C's: You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired you long ago, but he's terrified of what you might do.

Laughter File

Submitted by :Standup Dude
Category : Work jokes
Date Added : 22/10/2005
Rated : 15

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Bonus Joke - Thoughts From Work

Thoughts and stories from on the job

My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for ?" I told him, "Nope ! I do this for free."

This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too".

Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work ?" I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions ?" She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from ?"

People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ??? When's the last time ya ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".

Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never anybody around to appreciate it.

Our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.

Did ya ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough time to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that they don't have enuff time to do all their work.

Submitted by : Jokerman